(from Debbie Kea’s Strategies for Raising Spiritually Healthy Children)
It has been seven years since I retired from teaching high school English. My doctor told me after a year
that my blood pressure was normal, and I could get off my medication! That gives you an idea about the
stress I was under as I attempted to teach children who knew nothing of respect or self-control. My job
had become constant discipline instead of instruction. The answer for this societal malady, as it is with
every one of life’s problems, comes from our God. As I’ve said, we must not turn to TV doctors or
worldly psychology books for our answers; we must go to the Bible where truth is to find truth. God is
the perfect parent. What does He teach us?
The #1 law is the law of obedience
God taught this law to Adam and Eve (Genesis 1-3). They didn’t learn it quickly and neither will your children! Obedience is essential; it is a life-or-death lesson. It begins as early as your child understands. My son was 8 months old when he screamed at his daddy in the pulpit on Sunday and then looked at me with his what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it face. He received his first whipping, and the war began! At two he had to learn to stop and not go into the street. Again, obedience can mean life or death. God is pleased with us when we obey Him. He knows best, and we should trust that He has given us instructions that are for our good.
Punishment is required for disobedience
Jesus’ death teaches us that (Luke 24:46-49). God does not allow us to sin with impunity. We will reap what we have sown (Galatians 5:6-7). We must not allow our children to disobey either without discipline. Punishment should fit the crime. We should pray for wisdom as parents in all things but especially in this area. We need wisdom to punish our children appropriately and fairly. Severity depends on age, understanding, and importance—the age and understanding of your child, as well as the importance of what they have done wrong. Jesus did not treat all sinners the same; He talked differently to the woman at the well than He did to the hypocritical Pharisees and scribes. Be wise enough to deal compassionately or severely when needed. Also, remember that each child is a different personality. What works with one child may not work with the other. Keep this in mind as you train your children.
Mercy should be given when penitence takes place
God gives us mercy when we obey in repentance (Micah 7:18-19). Forgive your children easily and completely. God doesn’t hold grudges; neither should you.
Honor your father and mother
Respect is a necessity. It is the first command with promise (Ephesians 6:1-4). Christ honored His Father in heaven and on earth. I am stunned whenever I am in the presence of a couple and the father lets his son or daughter talk disrespectfully to their mother. Never, ever should that be allowed without correction. Fathers should teach their children that Mama is the queen of their home and what she says to them goes! Mothers should teach their children that Daddy is the king of their home and what he says to them goes! And never should those children be allowed to turn parents against each other. Respect and honor
should be a daily requirement.
Love should rule our homes and our decisions
God does what is best for us which shows true love (I John 4). Love is the more excellent way that Paul wrote of in I Corinthians. Every action in our homes should be guided by it.
We should provide for our children
God provides for us. From Genesis 1 throughout the entire Word of God, we see our God caring for us. Adam and Eve were given a home, a companion, a beautiful world, a garden to work in, a family, and constant communion with the Father—thus a physical, emotional, and spiritual provision. We should provide for our children in each of these areas too.
We should listen to our children
God listens to us (Psalm 55:17). It’s so sad to see fathers or mothers in public whose children are begging for their parent’s attention. If that goes on too much or too long, that child will turn to negative behavior just so their parent will deal with them.
Set boundaries
Children need to know them. God set our boundaries. We are only truly happy when we stay within them. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean only saying, “These are the rules.” It means, after making clear what the boundaries are, enforcing them, and following through with consequences when those boundaries are violated.
Say “no” when needed to your children
God answers us with no when He must. He knows best. You should know best for your child. This means you must find your backbone! Saying no is not always easy; sometimes it breaks your heart, but you do what is best for your child, not for you.
Teach your children the vital lessons in life
God has taught us those lessons—who He is, what is sin, who is His Son, why we need Christ, why we are here, where we are going. He has raised us up in His nurture and admonition. This also is what we must do for our children (Ephesians 6:4). Nurture means cultivation of the whole child in mind and body, including punishment; admonition means exhortation, instruction, teaching, encouragement. This is a constant way of life in the Christian home. What Moses told the Israelite parents greatly serves us as well: “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up…”
(Deuteronomy 6:7). Later in the chapter, Moses says when your son asks you in time to come what these statutes mean, you will say…and he proceeds to give the answer (verses 20-25). We today need to be able to do the same—give our children the answers to the vital questions they will ask!
Sacrifice for your children
God sacrificed for us. What a giving God! We should be giving parents (Luke 11:11).
Teach your child to worship God properly
It is not a theater. God expects those who love Him to worship Him—sincerely, regularly, and scripturally with respect and awe. We must teach this to our children. God taught this to Aaron when He killed his children Nadab and Abihu for worshipping improperly. In Leviticus 10, Moses makes it clear that God “will be glorified! And Aaron kept his peace.”
Glorify God by teaching your children the truth!
God has done that for us. The Holy Spirit has revealed God’s teachings to us, and we will only be good parents if we do the same! When we teach our children, we are giving God the honor He deserves as well as giving our children holy lives that will bless them.
Be a godly example before your children every day
God gave us the perfect example in Jesus when He sent Him to live among men. Our children need to see us carry our cross daily (Luke 9:23)—living what we believe before them. Our example is what will influence them the most.
Finally, let us remember we will not be perfect parents like God, but He can take up our slack. That was my constant prayer as a young parent, and He answered it! He gave me the righteous leadership of a
godly husband, and He also surrounded my children with the greatest people in the world, faithful
brethren! As we keep our focus on the Lord and what He tells us in His Word, God will help us to follow
His great example in raising our children!
REMEMBER
Even though God was a perfect parent, He still had trouble with His children! No matter what a great job you may do, your children will eventually become accountable for themselves, and they may not choose to follow your teaching. They have been given free will too. I’ve cried with many women over their unfaithful children, women who I believe did as good a job as they could with their kids, and I always told them there comes a point in time when we all must give account of ourselves. If you did not do all you should as a parent, you ask God to forgive you. But if you believe you have done all you could, you must not blame yourself.
Strategy: With God all things are possible. (Matt 19:26)