(excerpt from Strategies for Raising Spiritually Healthy Children by Debbie Kea)
Does your family have a motto? I have a friend who is not a Christian, but she is a serious parent, and if you ask her what her family’s motto is, she would say, “You can’t be mean or ignorant.” Being a good student and being a kind person mean the most to her and that is what she is teaching her children—both honorable things. I have another friend whose motto is “It’s always something.” Many of us could share that one, right? As I think back to when my kids were young, I think our motto was “Remember who you are.” I wanted them to remember they were children of God and they were Keas. They needed to honor God and their family. But what I remember saying most often was “What does the Bible say?” and when they were little, “Does that make God happy?”
We’re talking about what matters most. We shouldn’t major in the minors, but major in the majors! What is most important that we want to see lived out in our homes. What are you teaching your children? What is your motto?
Right now would you make a list of things that you want your children to learn, things they may never learn without you. Let me share some of mine with you (I’ve worded it for them as they were little / and then how I said it as they grew older):
- God is real and loves you / Fear God and keep His commandments. Eccl 12:13-14 (God matters most—this takes care of regular worship, prayer, and Bible study. Matt 6:33)
- Love God the most / Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. (This guides our children to please God, not self. Matt 22:37)
- Love the Bible / Love the truth of God’s Word. (This will cause them to turn to the Bible for answers. Psalm 138:2; 2 Thess 2:10)
- The church is important; they are family / Love the Lord’s church. (This will influence their loyalty and love for the brethren.)
- Sin is horrible and makes God sad / Hate sin. (This will cause them to think before they do things. Isa 59:2; Psa 119:104; Rom 3:23)
- Respect mom and dad / Honor your parents. (This will keep them from questioning your rules. Eph 6:2)
- Obey mom and dad / Be obedient and appreciate discipline. (Learning to obey their parents leads them to understand obedience to God. Understanding the purpose of discipline will help them mature. Prov 1:8-9; Heb 12:6-11)
- Tell the truth, even when it’s hard. (Liars don’t go to heaven.)
- Work hard; don’t be lazy. (You want them to be productive in the kingdom and society.)
- Don’t be selfish; care about others / God wants us to be good to each other. (Service makes them great in the kingdom.)
- Kindness always wins/Be kind and show mercy. (This pleases God and transforms our relationships.)
- Be humble and thankful. (Humility and gratitude make a godly heart.)
- Grow up to be something good! / Whatever you decide to do in life, remember to honor God and find your fulfillment in Him. (Your job is what you do, not who you are.)
- Marry someone who will help you go to heaven. (We all know how important this is!)
What’s most important? Now make your own list. Use God’s Word to guide your ideas. Now…do you actually live according to it? Are you worrying about how the car needs to be cleaned out but not worrying about getting to Bible class? Do you tell your kids they should serve others, but they never see you volunteering for any service of the church? Do you want your children to know the peace of God but run around living a hectic, frustrated life that does not reflect peace at all?
You know what I’m talking about—Priorities. But setting priorities is more than making a list. It is living the list! It is repenting of sinful habits and replacing them with worthy ones—nobly living a life of commitment.
My daughter talks about when her first two girls were little—how they had to have bows that matched their outfits—just had to! She went to loads of trouble dressing them and even made most of her own bows for them. But time passed and the third girl came along. By this time matching bows just didn’t seem so important. Other things had taken their place—like just having clean clothes on them! By the time the boys came along, if anything matched, that was a bonus! She learned very quickly that having the big family she wanted meant she would have to decide what meant the most, what was on the list, and what really didn’t even make the list at all. If you want to keep your sanity, if you want to have and make the time for the truly valuable things in life, you must decide what is worth it to you.
Strategy: Decide on a family motto with your husband. Then write it on a poster with your family. Your children can even draw their own room posters and decorate.